In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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