I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
