We need to start having sex underwater more often.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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