Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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