I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
