He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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