This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
