stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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