well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
