420 ftw
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
