Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
