She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
