so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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