so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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