its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
