god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
