I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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