i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
