Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
