I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
