Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize