he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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