Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
