I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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