someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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