I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize