I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
