Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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