Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
