Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
