I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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