He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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