You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
