It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
