Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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