I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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