Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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