i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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