Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
