There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize