he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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