I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
