You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
