I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
