Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
