Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize