This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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