Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
