his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
