Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
