2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i will never coherently bang her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
