According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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