i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
