Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
