If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize