he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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