The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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