No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
