You really coming over, don't trick.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize