I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
