Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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