i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
