Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
