Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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