the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
