FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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