This girl is more easily done than said...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
